Thursday, July 13, 2017

We're All Human. We're Just Like You Man.....?

I am honestly so frustrated.

This isn't the post I wanted to be posting. I WANT to be posting about the end of the I Like It When You Sleep era and what it's meant to me. I WANT to be posting about how incredible the Madison Square Garden show was. But alas... here we are.

Let me recap.

So four days ago now, The 1975 were in Glasgow about to play the TRNSMT Festival. Hann was doing and Instagram livestream of Matty rapping along to "Caroline" by Aminé. The lyrics feature the line "Killer. West side Ni**a"... we'll needless to say, Matthew mouthed the entire line and the entire fanbase seemingly went up in flames.

*deep, loud sigh*

I'm not even sure where to start. Am I extremely disappointed? Oh absolutely. Am I surprised? At this point, not really. Matty is messy and I'm past pretending that he's not. But truthfully this post isn't even about his usage of the word. What is it about? Well first, it's about the fact that it's been four days and Matthew has not shown his face... so to speak. On top of that, Jamie (their manager) hasn't addressed the issue but instead he's liked tweets defending Matty and has been blocking people wanting an apology or trying to explain why his actions are hurtful and problematic. How is that okay? How is that even REMOTELY professional?? 

Do I think Matty is racist? No. I truly don't. That's not what I'm getting at,at all. He is however very ignorant about certain things and doesn't think before he speaks/acts. He thinks that he can spout whatever nonsense pops into his mind and people just have to deal with it. He's 28. That's not cute . I don't think that he was intentionally offensive and I would be comfortable leaving it there if this were the first offensive thing he's done THIS YEAR (let's not forget him defending an Islamophobe). IT'S JULY . I could leave it there if he ever honestly owned up to his mistakes and didn't just say what he needs to to placate his fans. 

The absolutely SICKENING part is that the longer they stay silent the more his fans will think that this is okay behavior. When people were accusing Matty of being mysoginistic regarding his comments about dating Taylor Swift, he was quick to type up an incredibly long winded post explaining his intentions and defending himself. But here we have something truly offensive and.... nada.

It's really not that difficult. "I'm really sorry. I f***ed up, I know. I got caught up in the song. I will do better." That's literally all he had to say. Once again, he is TWENTY EIGHT! 

There are so many fans defending his actions.  "He was enjoying himself." "The video was cute" "He didn't know he was being filmed" Yeah. The rest of the video was cute. I love seeing Matty happy as much as the next fan. As far as him not knowing he was on the livestream... that doesn't matter at all. If he is comfortable to say it in private, then that in and of itself is a problem. "In what context did he use the word?" Once again, doesn't matter. He shouldn't use it in ANY context. 

There are fans harassing other fans that are rightfully hurt and feel ostracized. They are freely throwing around slurs and thinking it's okay. It's NOT. This word is NOT JUST A WORD. Whether or not black people use it. Reclaiming that word is not for YOU to be able to use. It's taking back a word meant to dehumanize us. A word rooted in pain and hatred a word that will always feel like an attack when uttered by ANYONE that isn't black. Period. Point blank. End of discussion.

I really need people to understand that they cannot tell a community that they are NOT a part of, what is and isn't offensive to said community. Nor can they tell them how to react to offensive actions. I bet my last dollar that if M had used the F word, everyone would have grabbed their pitchforks and flown to wherever he was... rightfully so. So why is that word not acceptable but the N word is "just a word?" Instead of belittling Minorities' experiences, LISTEN TO US!

Matty and Jamie's silence is VIOLENT! Matty's dismissal of responsibility and seeming indifference is dangerous. This man has a platform that he's not using. A voice that he's NOT USING. The 1975 can't claim to be this all inclusive, compassionate, liberal, "fan's band" and not actually fight for the minorities that support them,love them, and look up to them. That's an abuse of trust and power. I can't respect someone that is not willing to hear, and then hopefully grow . Do you know how much that hurts? Especially when I have this band, That has meant so much to me for he past 4 years' symbol etched into my skin for the rest of my life. But honestly, if you don't care about us, why should we care about you? 

Being "woke" when it's beneficial is played out. 
I'm tired.


Friday, January 27, 2017

Day 1 of 1460


Over 1 Million of us... NOT including the sister marches around THE WORLD! Holy LORD!! 
Saturday was EXACTLY what I needed! When I started my post the other day, what I was lacking was HOPE. Hope in humanity, hope for the future of our country. Like I said in that post, I was scared. I was still shaken and preparing to fall deeper into a pit of darkness. I woke up Friday morning and (unwillingly) watched the Inauguration. I watched Barack and Michelle get on that helicopter and I SOBBED. I sobbed until I thought I was going to vomit as the reality of our situation settled over me.  I cried until I was empty and then I filled that numb space with FIRE! 

SO... Around 8:30 that night, Claire picked me up and we started the trip down to DC to meet up With Emily and Matty who were already there. We spent a lot of time in traffic but the amount of cars driving down was IMPRESSIVE!

(here's a random picture of us from our high school days)

Waking up in DC was weird. Going down to breakfast was even weirder and quite uncomfortable. The first things I noticed when we walked into the dining area were the MAGA hats and that majority of this small room were trump supporters. I went about my business... fueling up by piling the microwave bacon and cheesy eggs onto my plate... preparing my coffee that was accidentally half decaf and pretending that I couldn't feel the tension in the room. Pretending that I couldn't see the sideways glances directed towards the group of weirdos , or is the term "snowflakes" in the corner. I mean we had Feminist Thor for crying out loud! I think my mom would be proud of the manners I demonstrated. I was able to breathe a bit easier when an older woman approached our table and asked if she could take our picture and then thanked us for marching. I was starting to wake up and get hyped up. That excitement only intensified when we started getting close and had to get out of our Lyft on the side of the highway to get over to the street because there was no other way to get to the rally!

The rally was already under way when we finally got there. I will be the first to say that it went on a bit too long but I understand that part of that was to do with the fact that the organizers had to accommodate the crowd that turned up! There was such a buzz in the air. The unity and solidarity was so strong that it was almost palpable! Just standing in that crowd... in that SEA of BEAUTIFUL people had me fighting back tears! (not to mention listening to Gloria and Angela... holy crap!) I knew what we were doing was right simply because of the fact that at NO POINT was I anxious or panicky. Even in the middle of that many people. We were ONE people! WE were America!!! Regardless of gender, race,  religion, sexual orientation, age. Those people gathered on Independence Avenue....ARE WHAT MAKE AMERICA GREAT. You could feel the love, and acceptance in the air. You could feel the DETERMINATION! We were a sea of voices creating ONE voice that will NOT be silenced!! 

Then we finally started to move like an army on a mission. A mission of equality for ALL! For me the most powerful moment was the sea of signs marching past the Washington Memorial. All of the landmarks commemorating the "freedom" of this country. I was personally a little overwhelmed by the historical significance of the moment and the fact that I was literally walking in the footsteps of the generation before. The leaders and game changers that came before me. Above that, some of the people marching at that very moment were living this for a second time...They weren't standing on their first Civil Rights crossroad! WOW. That fact is both inspiring and depressing if I'm honest.

(I was LIVING for the amount of Hamilton signs)

Reaching the White House felt like a VICTORY! Everyone was riding this high of having made history! The chants and cheers were like a war cry... the most joyful war cry there is lol.
It was a celebration . trump most likely wan't even in the White House but wherever he was, HE HEARD US!  It's honestly incredible how in a span of 24 hours I could go from feeling so low and defeated to feeling like we won. Even if it's just a little. We were heard!

Like I said earlier, this was exactly what I needed. My faith in humanity has been restored. THAT was my country that I marched with! I felt so empowered, safe and unified! I have NEVER been so proud to have been a part of something IN MY LIFE! One day I will tell my children about this chapter in history... I hope they're proud too! I am a PROUD, FIRED UP, NASTY WOMAN!

"To those of us that marched... to smashing the patriarchy... TO CARRIE FISHER!"

So you may be thinking "What now?" Because this march certainly isn't the end of it. It was only the beginning! Now is the time that we rally together with our friends, family, and community and make sure that we are heard. Now is the time to be as loud as possible. In every way possible. This extends past a march.

The next step is what is calling "10 actions for the first 100 days" Every 10 days for the first 100 days of this new administration, we will be taking action. So even if you didn't march, you can still make your voice heard. Action 1. is sending postcards to our state senators about the specific issues weighing on our heart. The issues we will continue to fight for.

Also do your research. There are plenty of organizations that need your support. Organizations working to help and defend the people currently under attack in this country. Here are just a few.

After a campaign and election (and now what looks like an entire presidency) built on and fueled by hate we must remain a light! We must remain unified. We must stay FIRED UP and committed! WE are the PEOPLE and we can't let him divide us! THIS IS WHAT DEMOCRACY LOOKS LIKE!

This is not a moment, IT'S THE MOVEMENT!


Thursday, January 19, 2017

January 19, 2017.... I'm a little scared


It is currently 9:49 pm on January 19, 2017. Meaning that we are in the last 2hours and 10 minutes of Barack Obama's presidency. I have been sitting here trying to contain my tears for the longest time. I mean, I always knew this day was going to come but.... I never could have anticipated the reality that I will be waking up to tomorrow. 

It has been almost 3 months and I still don't understand. I still feel like my legs have been kicked from underneath me. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't currently fighting off a full fledged anxiety attack. My chest is clenched, I can't seem to catch my breath and I feel so dizzy that if I wasn't seated, i'd surely fall over.

please hold

right, where were we?

I have apparently lived through 4 presidencies. That's weird. However, I feel like I grew up in the Obama presidency. In a way, I suppose I did. I had just turned 18, I had done the college thing for a bit, and I was stoked to be voting in my first election but I knew practically NOTHING about politics. The little that I knew came from my 12th grade Problems Of Democracy class. Paying attention to the candidates, the debates, and everything surrounding the election was MANDATORY for graduation. That being said, I only paid enough attention to know that Obama seemed like a cool guy. I liked what he stood for and I thought it would be cool to be a part of such a historical election. I remember election night. That feeling of "wow I was a part of that. This means something". I remember Inauguration Day, crying with my family. LIVING for Beyonce (nothing new)...I knew nothing. I've learned so much in the last 8 years. I haven't always agreed with this administration but I have watched in AWE as this man lead with class, eloquence and grace. As he demonstrated empathy and kindness in the face of constant opposition, negativity, disrespect and outright bigotry. He and his family have been shining examples of what it is to be good and my heart breaks over the fact that come tomorrow, that light will no longer be the head of this country. But I am SO THANKFUL that this is the man that lead me into adulthood.

 Looks like I'll be crying on another Inauguration Day...

I'll admit it... I'm scared. I'm scared of January 21st. I'm scared of waking up and living in a trump America. I'm scared and I'm angry. BUT in the 3 almost  months that I've had to try and come to terms with this dark reality, I've made a decision. ...I say this as if I hadn't made this decision a long time ago... I guess I should say, I've been catapulted into action. I'm scared but I will not be held down or silenced. As much as the people that put this man into office would like me to,  as much as my anxiety would like me to,I won't! I will take that fear and anger and channel it into productivity. I will use it to as fuel and will make my voice heard. I will scream until my lungs give out! We will NOT go back! We CAN'T. How sick is it that people are terrified to simply EXSIST?!?! That hatred and bigotry... misogyny, sexual assault, homophobia, Islamophobia, xenophobia is not only normalized but praised!!!! I can't sit by and watch that happen. Not as a POC, a woman, an ally, a HUMAN! One of my new year's resolutions was to do more that actually matters. Well, for the next 4 years I want to do just that! I want to actively work/fight towards a better America. Starting on the first day of Donald's ...................... presidency (that's still really hard for me to say.) On Saturday I will be in DC at the Women's March with two of my friends and about 20,000 other like minded individuals. We will NOT TOLERATE hatred in any form! We WILL KEEP GOING FORWARD!

Right before starting this post, I saw that my queen Audra McDonald tweeted this 

"Remember, tomorrow we are not crowning a king, or bowing down to a dictator. Tomorrow our new employee starts his temp job. We're the boss." 

I needed that

Thank you for everything. My last ask is the same as my first. I'm asking you to believe—not in my ability to create change, but in yours. -President Barack H. Obama


Sunday, September 4, 2016



It is currently 10:30 on September 4, 2016.

First thing's first Happy Birthday to Queen Bey! Long may she be Flawless.

I am currently sitting here during my final hour and a half of my 25th year, reflecting on the last 12 months. I still cannot believe that I have been alive for a quarter of a century! I'm still convinced that I am actually 11.

(First picture of 25)

This year started off huge and has continued to be one of change and self improvement. I wanted to take this milestone year and make it one filled with adventures and things I could treasure and be proud of. But of course to do that I would have to get through everything that was holding me back... I would have to get through myself. Before my birthday I started tackling my anxiety and looking back at the person I was then compared to now is insane! There is still SO much that I am working through but I'm proud to even be working.

I was then, because of this fact, able to survive the major plans that I had for my birthday. I was able to cross off a few bucket list items when I rang in my bday with Bey herself! I like to say that we celebrated our birthdays together. Despite the heat and the terrifying crowds, it was honestly one of the best days of my life and hands down my best birthday yet!

This year I worked not only on my mental health but my physical health as well! We joined the gym... for real this time as I have actually made an effort to go and do more than a 45 minute "work out" On top of that, I stopped eating meat. That was more of a moral choice than a health choice though. I will be completely honest and say that it hasn't been the easiest and I still have cheat days but I am very much committed to this lifestyle... i'll get over the cravings... and I feel not only healthier but happier as well. (I also have visible cheek bones and have gone down a few pant sizes which is nice)

In November, I started writing my first novel. I have been starting projects basically since learning how to write and form sentences. This is the first time that completion is in sight. There is still a lot to fill in but I am so attached to the story, I am SO IN LOVE with the characters and I won't rest until they can be shared with more people than me and Talisha.

The last 12 months have been filled with a lot of stress and searching for understanding and I'm still working on not internalizing everything. I'm still working on the whole faith thing.

Looking 26 in the face, I'll admit, I'm a little intimidated...terrified is more like it. There are a lot of things I have on my "Big Girl" to-do list. Like always I hope the next twelve months are filled with adventures, Great people, lessons learned, and stories to be told for a lifetime!

Here's hoping.

(last pictures of 25 (appropriate) )


Friday, September 2, 2016

Everything Is Blue... Lips

If you had shown me a bold, blue lipstick a year ago, I would have said "That's really pretty but I could never pull that off."... yet here I am at the end of Summer 2016 completely OBSESSED with blue lippies! I still can't believe how frequently I am grabbing for one and tossing it in my purse. The three I am currently using are the NYX Liquid Suede in Stone Fox, The Colourpop Ultra Matte in Petit Four, and the Maybelline Loaded Bolds in Midnight Blue (shhh).

Left to Right: NYX: Stone Fox ($6.99), Colourpop: Petit Four ($6), Maybelline: Midnight Blue($7.49)

It all started with a lipstick that I don't even OWN! When Halsey teamed up with Mac for the Future Forward campaign and released "Halsey" a gorgeous blue-grey shade my heart went a little wonky! I thought is was gorgeous and just...COOL! But alas, my moral compass kicked in and I couldn't bring myself to buy a MAC product (yes, I know what you're thinking... I'll get into that.). So I went on a massive hunt to find something similar and reasonably priced. Little did I know that I would be sucked into this blue tinted whirlwind.

When "Halsey" launched everyone went on an on about how "Stone Fox" by NYX was an exact, cruelty free dupe. Being that I LOVE NYX I was quick to jump on this and ran as fast as I could to Ulta to pick it up and give it a go. I think it's needless to say that this is in fact NOT a dupe. It is too dark and WAY too blue. I'll admit that I was disappointed about that but I quickly got over it... when I put it on and stopped looking at it as a dupe but as it's own color. I INSTANTLY fell in love. It is more blue than gray and sooo pigmented. The Liquid Suede formula is so lovely. It isn't too heavy and isn't too drying. It dries down quickly to a velvety matte, doesn't transfer and it lasts for ages.

It should come as no surprise that there is a Colourpop product included in this. I have expressed my love for the brand MANY times! The pigmentation is beautiful and these babies DON'T BUDGE! Because it is an ultra matte, I suggest making sure your lips are thoroughly hydrated before applying because the ultra mattes are very drying. Petit Four is definitely a step closer to Halsey than Stone Fox so I think this is as close to a dupe as I'm going to get. Where Stone Fox is more blue, this one is definitely more of a slate gray with a tinge of blue.  It is a bit more intimidating personally... it's a bit more edgy than even I would usually go for but apparently I've put my brave pants on because I'm so heart eye emoji!

Okay, so this last one is a little tough and touchy for me to talk about and admit to. It's a Maybelline product... sigh... Maybelline is not cruelty free...tear. But this was a gift and I am not rude nor am I wasteful. I'm going to be really honest, I'm having such a hard time building a COMPLETELY cruelty free makeup collection... mainly because Maybelline is my FAVORITE drugstore brand. That being said, when they launched the Loaded Bolds, I could physically feel the ripping in my heart. Like I said, this was a gift... a gift that I am (sorry to say... but I'm being real) VERY thankful for. It doesn't go on as opaque as the others (it takes a bit of building) and it isn't fully matte (more of a satin finish) but boy oh boy... when it DOES go on.... It is SUCH a pretty, deep, jewel toned blue. It's so creamy and still moisturizing. It also doesn't need to be reapplied too frequently. I need to find some self control :(

I seriously love wearing the Midnight Blue and popping Petit Four right in the center!

What are some surprising makeup choices you've found yourself making recently??


Wednesday, August 17, 2016

End Of Summer Fashion Faves


So, I've been meaning to make this post for ages... sorry about that. This summer has really been about sprucing up my wardrobe and putting a tad more effort into my outfits. With summer coming to a close, I figured that I would share some of my favorite pieces. Most of these were purchased from and were featured in my last haul video. What I really love is that most if not all of these pieces can be incorporated into some cute fall outfits. I seriously can't wait for the fall. I am so ready for chunky sweaters, and beanies!

So, I'm really trying to get myself to wear dresses more often. It's usually either church or a concert. That's it. It's not that I don't like dresses... I just feel really overdressed and a lot of the time, self conscious in them. Anywho, I saw the Mel Cold Shoulder Strappy Swing Dress and I couldn't pass them up. I am very obsessed with the cutout shoulder detail so I ordered one in Blush and one in Olive! My favorite part, which you can see if you look hard enough, are the Jelly sandals. My 90's baby heart is OVER THE MOON!!!

I believe one of my first posts featured Jawbreaking. Surprisingly I haven't ordered from them since... don't ask me why. I'm always on the website and lurking Aly's instagram. Anywho since first being introduced to the brand I have wanted... no... NEEDED this "Band Boys=Trouble" t-shirt. I mean C'MON!!  If anyone knows that to be true, it's moi! Well you can imagine how lost and heartbroken I was when it was discontinued. You can also imagine how STOKED I was when the birthday sale rolled around and I found this bad boy on the website. There was NO WAY I was passing it up again. I became a little obsessed with the idea of tying it up 90s crop style and pairing it with a maxi skirt. I found the perfect one (Rae Pocket Front Maxi)  back over on boohoo...IT HAS POCKETS!

This Sun and Moon Oversized Tee had been sitting in my cart for a while. I just love how it looks so casual and comfy but also just really cool. I'm all about items that I can dress up or dress down. The best part about this shirt is how SOFT it is. I just want to sit and rub my face over it like a cat!

I'm clearly very into open shoulders at the moment. This open shoulder jumpsuit is another that can easily be dressed up or down. I think it would look so cool with a faux leather jacket and some silver, edgy accessories. But I also love how it looks with the ankles rolled up, a pair of boots, and a flannel wrapped around the waist. I'm already planning to wear it to at least ONE concert this fall/winter!

Last but certainly not least, the ensemble I am MOST obsessed with at the moment! We all know that I have been in love with this Striped Halter dress since purchasing it back in May for the 1975's spring tour. It's honestly so comfy and simple and I find myself gravitating towards stripes more than ever now. I find myself grabbing this before anything else in my wardrobe the summer.
I was instantly drawn to this embroidered shirt dress because it reminds me so much of 2014 Matty Healy. "Robbers Shirt " era Matty. I'm not too into prints on me but something about the sheer floral appealed to me. I was headed out when it arrived from Boohoo and I just tried it on over the striped dress just to see how it fit. I was so shocked when I saw how nice they looked paired together. I was expecting clash but instead I fell in love. Then to add to the love I already had, I popped on these fringed boots. I'm obsessed with fringe and am currently on the search for the perfect fringed jacket. This has fast become my favorite outfit!

Let me know how your summer is going and your favorite discoveries of summer 2016