Sunday, June 12, 2016


The events of this weekend have left me shaken....

I think I'm only making this post because I need to get it all out....

When I left my house Friday evening I was excited. I was going to spend my weekend crafting, filming and babbling about Matty Healy (and Brendon Urie). There's no way that I could have anticipated the news that flooded our timelines. I'm still having trouble believing it to be honest.

I never met Christina Grimmie but I always thought that she was lovely and crazy talented. I remember watching her videos on youtube and then rooting for her on The Voice.... 22.... She was 22. JUST 22. I'm having a really hard time understanding. We get hassled about bringing outside food and water into a venue but yet this guy was able to sneak in not one, but TWO guns. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?! How does something like that slip through thus giving him an opportunity to end a life, break a family, scar SO MANY PEOPLE ???

I don't know how to process... this whole situation hits a little too close to home for me. Concerts have always been a safe have, a sanctuary for me and my friends. That now has been taken away. I've never seen Christina live but I've seen Before You Exit quite a few times.... This is the scene in which I exist. They have toured with every small band that I love. Which get you thinking that this could have happened ANYWHERE! Yet this is also the LAST place that you would expect it to happen. These shows are usually filled with so much love, acceptance and unity. Christina greeted this man with outstretched arms!!  Last month, Becca and I were complaining about how dangerous the crowd was at The 1975 show and here we are.... something 1000 times worse has happened within our safety net. I can't even IMAGINE how the fans that witnessed this are coping! Just the THOUGHT of witnessing someone that I love and admire taken from this world, BREAKS ME! My heart and prayers are with with every single person that was at that show.

I can't even begin to express how awful I feel for Before You Exit. Their FRIEND was MURDERED at THEIR show in their hometown. They risked their lives to go back inside to warn the fans. I applaud them. That changes a person. They must also be so afraid. This happened once, could it happen again? I pray that they are able to heal.

My heart BREAKS for her family! Her brother! How does someone get through something like this. ESPECIALLY having witnessed it. I pray for their strength. I pray that they are consistently surrounded by love and support .

Music is supposed to heal.

I come home this morning (Sunday), excited for The Tonys to find out about the MASSACRE in Orlando. I... I honestly don't understand. I don't understand how people can be SO FILLED WITH HATE AND IGNORANCE! I'm honestly still trying to process. I don't understand my country. I don't understand humanity. This world is a scary place. The fact that you can be slaughtered for simply EXISTING... not agreeing with or understanding someone's lifestyle does not give anyone the right to take a life. Just because for some bizarre reason we in this country have the right to bear arms... YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE ANOTHER LIFE!!

It's heartbreaking that because of some extremist, MONSTER ignorants everywhere will have another reason to attack Muslims... like there are not extremist groups of EVERY religion. I'm not Muslim but I've known many and from what I've learned, Islam is a religion of PEACE. But people try to DESTROY what they do not understand. They aren't WILLING to understand! I guess that can be said for this entire situation. LGBTQ+ people are DESTROYED because people don't understand. Apparently the answer is hate. People hide behind religion as an excuse to spread hate and intolerance and it makes me sick.

As a Christian I don't understand how people can hurt others in the name of God. WHAT GOD?!? My God is a God of Love. Whatever you believe, the root is LOVE. We are not here to judge others but to Love as Jesus Loves. While he was on Earth He gave His Love to ALL. PERIOD!

I don't know... I just don't know.

I send so much love to the survivors of this tragedy as well as the family and friends of the souls lost.

To my LGBTQ+ friends, family, acquaintances ... I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND MY HEART IS WITH YOU.

"We live through times when hate and fear seem stronger
We rise and fall and light from dying embers
Remembrances that hope and love lasts long
And love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love
Cannot be killed or swept aside" - Lin-Manuel Miranda 6/12/2016

I am heartbroken, scared,  sick, and EXHAUSTED! It's PAST time for change.


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